i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
soo... how was my night?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
