I can't breathe out the right side of my face
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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