home. puking in laundry basket.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
