She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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