What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Found your dick twin last night
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
