I have demons in me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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