She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
