Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
