Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
