I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
