I got chris browned last night
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
