my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
