Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
