i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
