i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
