So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
