I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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