god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
