Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
