I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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