What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
