I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
