my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
