i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
