You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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