he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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