now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
