Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You took a bar mat shot.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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