R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
