remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
