i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just invented taco cereal.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
