I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
