Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
