I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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