so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
