other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
