The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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