i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
