I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
