Christians are straight up FREAKS
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
