I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
