god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
