peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
