You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
