Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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