well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
