i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
