She is in my trunk
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
