a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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