I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
