i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
