ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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